The Twisted Rantings of the Dantelope

My workplace environment could be described as a young, energetic, open, bustling place where fun and pressure collide; where beautiful people, castoffs from the Island of Ugly, and patients of brain enlargement procedures whose surgeon spells "brain" p-h-a-l-l-u-s all come together in a spastic panorama of memory-making moments.

Yes, I currently work for a fairly successful and growing "startup". One with Simpsons pinball, Chai tea, superhero mascots, foosball, and, to naturally complete the image, an office that is the very uber-hip conversion of an old factory building. One of those places.

Now I know what you're thinking. Geez, Dantelope, sounds like you've got it made! Alas, if only this were true. Here are some of the incredible things that actually happened at work over the past month, and believe it or not, none of them happened on the same day.

• Loud banging on roof. Very loud. Dust starts coming down. Hmmm, does old converted factory dust coming from the ceiling contain... asbestos? Who knows. I flee in terror.
  
  
• Faint smell of sewage getting stronger. Is that natural gas? Who can tell. Overpowering now. Two foremen come down to see if anyone is still alive. I am, barely. They give me some line about "you might want to open a window"... I look around... I am enclosed by walls with no windows. I flee in terror.
  
  
• Loud sawing sound coming from behind wall where I work, followed by the wall actually moving. I think I hear sledge hammers. I flee in terror.
  
  
• Expansive dust cloud everywhere. Looking across the large open floorplan, it is as if Los Angeles has exported all of its smog to this building. While it works very well to kill all the bugs, it also causes mass panic at the workplace. I flee in terror.
  
  
• Strong smell of roof glue seeping in. Overpowering. When I come to, I flee in terror.
  
  
• Banging on the roof again. This time, a large vent in the roof is pulled off and I am exposed to sunlight, dust, glue, and three very large macho men who clearly just got this job after they were released (escaped?) from prison. One guy looks in. Oh, uh, hi. Great. I flee in terror.
  
  
• Water pressure is out. Phones are out. Internet connectivity is at 25%. Temperature in room is 50 degrees. Aaaagghhhh. I flee in terror.

The price of growth, I suppose. Still, I consider this training for the 10K Flee in Terror Race. Proceeds go to the Improve My Workplace Building Fund.

---- Dantelope @ can-you-hear-me-out-there?