The Twisted Rantings of the Dantelope

Let me take a quick moment to say, "Good lord, has it really been three months?" Let me define busy for you:

• Full-time jobs: 4
• Part-time jobs: 1
• Kids: 2
• Wife: 1
• Life: 0
• Blogging: -1

Of course, if I actually had five jobs, I'd be getting paid five times over. No, sadly, I'm not Richie Rich yet. In fact, I only get paid once but I get to do the work for five jobs. Isn't that nice?

Me: Waah waah, I'm so busy, please help, waah!
The Man: Shut up, fool. Nobody asked you. Now get back to work!

Ok, that makes it sound like The Man is Mr. T, and, well, for all I know he certainly could be The Man. And nobody make Mr. T mad. Because the world can't handle Mr. T when he's mad. Truth be told, the world can't even handle Mr T when he isn't mad!

Now working ungodly hours does provide me some very nice perks. For example, I'm not home as much and so this makes my kids, the Evil Genius Midgets, seem brand new every time I see them. Did you know that First Born started kindergarten? I was as surprised as you are! Did you know that Princess Diva was getting a full bed to replace her crib? I barely recognize her anymore!

Another nice perk that comes from working in a dungeon with no windows and dark, cold, damp brick walls that echo with the screams of countless tortured employees seeking forgiveness for untold missed deliverables.... TSO, my wife, is looking hotter than ever! Ooooooooooh yeah, baby... fiddy pounds of choooocolate puddin'! Don't ask. I'm delirious. Unless you're a fan of The State, in which case, *high fives*

So while I continue to pound out the tire irons for you, those loving customers whose tires blow out on the freeway (but more likely for use in a pinch against two guys named Mugsy and Phil... yes, that's right, I said Phil. You know who you are), please think about this very important question...

WHY is Michael Jackson thinking it's a good idea to build a leprechaun themed park in Ireland?

I mean, sure, the kids' parents will completely trust him with their little pudges of love, maybe even for an overnight stay in Michael's Happy Juice Room, but I'm gonna go out on a limb and wildly guess the Irish are just a little put off by the whole leprechaun thing... although this may lead to the IRA getting involved. No, not that IRA... Ira Kauffman, my Jewish Irish uncle thrice removed who specializes in choking people by placing very difficult to chew crackers in their soup. It's almost a fool-proof assassination technique. Almost.

And if this park deal does go through they better serve Lucky Charms all over the damn park because, you know, they're magically delicious!

Am I the only one wondering why the terrorists can't turn their bomb-strapped loving eyes (and trigger fingers) to the Gloved wonder? Now there's something even the Pope and Osama would agree on...

--- Dantelope @ apparently-there-are-40-hours-in-a-work-day