The Twisted Rantings of the Dantelope

When I was a kid growing up, nothing was cooler than the local roller rink. Usually reserved for "special occasions" like birthdays or graduation from 5th grade, the roller rink was one of those retro cool places that seemed to live on in its own protected world. In the 70s, roller skating was hot. In the 80s, roller skating was hot. I was pretty much dead for most of the 90s, but hey, in the 2000s, guess what? Roller skating is HOT.

There's a lot of blading going on there now, but I donned a pair of the old 4-wheelers for The Evil Genius' elementry school party night. He's at an age now where he's not so embarrassed by his old man doin' the boogy dance with the adults in the middle of the hardwood floor. Maybe I'll take pictures so he can relive the horror when he's older.

Now if you recall, the flow of events in a typical roller rink night was skating... then couples dancing... then skating... then games... then skating.. then games... then couples... then skating.. a final game... a final skate... and a final couples skate. In between were those wonderful memory moments... finding a $10 in the unlocked locker next to you... munching on food that only barely qualified as "edible"... playing video games and skeetball... oh, and let's not forget gossiping about who was doing couples.

Not much has changed, I discovered. Except that I'm that old creepy guy now. And now I leave $10 accidentally in the unlocked locker. And skip the food to avoid a Visit to the Throne. And kids hog the video games and skeetball so I can't play.

You'll be glad to know I participated in an adults race (well, let's say it was "18 and older" and I was probably the youngest). Me and two moms. Me... a 10 year veteran hockey player with speed skating training from the University of Michigan Hockey Club. It was a hopeless situation for the competition. I was sure to win.

I got my ass whooped. It wasn't even close. I stumbled out of the starting block and the only thing I saw the whole race was the backs of the two moms... and their backs said "nah nah LOSER!"

Hopefully someone caught that on camera so I can relive the horror when I'm older.

--- Dantelope @ b-a-n-a-n-a-s!