Monday, February 27, 2006

Why I Like Mimes

I was reminded today by Laney that mimes being kicked in the crotch was not being featured here at Twisted Rantings. I started thinking that maybe this hatred of mimes is dangerous. After all, mimes could seek revenge on me for my gonad-focused attack advice. I certainly don't want an army of mimes coming after me, thankyouverymuch.

So instead, I present to you... Why I Like Mimes:
  1. Because I am so preoccupied thinking about them, they prevent me from having nightmares about that most frightning of all two-legged creatures, Florine Mark. That woman's face is just not natural I tell you.
  2. Anything clowns hate can't be all bad.
  3. Mimes just plain taste good. If you cook them at the right temperature, then they will be tender and juicy. But the real key is the sauce. If you don't marinate them in each other, you can use my personal favorite, peanut oil. Why peanut oil? It makes a neat crackly sound you just can't get with other oils.
  4. David Bowie studied under a mime who studied under the Mother of all Mimes, Marcel Marceau. Yes, that's right, David Bowie.
  5. When you kick them in the crotch, they whine a little and then you can say HA! I KNEW YOU COULDN'T KEEP QUIET! WHERE ARE YOUR SKILLS, MR. MIME? HUH? Oh, crraaap, here comes the mime army... eeeeeek!
  6. Lastly, they make for great T-shirts. And who doesn't like a little commercialism with their mime-bashing?
---- Dantelope @ hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-mime

Comments:
So, if a tree falls in the woods on a mime, would anyone care?

I guess we now know the answer: Dantelope!

:)
tracey
 
Is there anything better than a good mime post?

I didn’t think so. : )~
 
tracey - actually, the answer depends a lot on the type of tree and the caliber of the mime.

If the tree is a redwood, then the mime is destroyed and nobody cares.

If the tree is oak or birch, and the mime is of sufficient caliber, then the mime is only maimed, and then I care because, hey, he made it through which means he'll terrorize me.

If the tree is balsa wood and the mime is of poor caliber, then I also care, because that's funny and the sound it makes hitting his head is very pleasurable to my ears.

For all other cases, nobody cares!


Laney - I hope so, otherwise I'm all done here! :)
 
Aw, come on Dan. I know you have more to talk about than mimes. You have two, count em two, evil genius midgets and a sick mind. I know your blog will do just fine.

I am sorry though. I can not help you on your campaign to save the blondes. But I have two very good reasons why:

Exhibit A) I’m a redhead. Everyone knows that blondes and redheads are archenemies. Blondes have more fun my A**!

Exhibit B) My co-worker. Let’s call her Emily. Here is a typical conversation:

Emily: “What is a loon-attic?”
Laney: “A what?”
Emily: “A loon-attic.”
Laney: Silently praying that she will stop talking. Then, “Okay, I give…Spell it”
Emily: “L U N A T I C”
Laney: Smacking my head on my desk.

You see? That’s why most blondes are going the way of the dodo. I understand that the TSO and MB are very witty intelligent women. But you must understand that they are the minority. Oh yeah, and Redheads will one day rule the world.
 
omg. If redheads are going to rule the world, I best invest in sunscreen factories in Indonesia...

And it sounds like you would be quite capable (and deserving) of making Emily your drone maid... you could probably accomplish that with a carrot and stick. And I don't mean that figuratively.
 
WOW and OH MY
 
After reading this blog, I have a new appreciation for mimes. In fact, I have a new appreciation for silence in general.
 
Drone maid huh? I like it. This may change my plans for world domination.
 
Dan - Who the hell is Laney, and more importantly, why is she humoring/encouraging you?
 
A better question is who are you and why are you NOT encouraging me?
 
Dan . . Dan . . Dan, you know who I am . . .don't you?
 
Yeah... "anonymous". Fantastic.
 
I'm Laney. Please don't pick on Dan. It really is all my fault. I did encourage him to start his own blog, but that was due to the fact that I was afraid if he didn't express himself he might be a danger to others. He is sick man! Really sick! I mean, this one time he actually kicked a poor mime in the crotch. But that is okay cause I don't really like mimes. : )~
 
Hate to dig up such an old post but I thought I would share that today (3/22) Marcel Marceau turns 83!!!
Just thought you might like to know!
 
Headline: Spawn of Satan Lives to 83
 
I just read all your posts, and it embarrasses me to admit that, if you had not had the immense foresight to include a pronunciation of "dantelope," I may have forever gone through my blog-life pronouncing it in my head as "don-tay-lope," like in Dante's Peak.

Maybe I should go to mime college.
 
Well I believe in English, so I follow the rules like English does -- and make sure the rules don't make sense.

Dantelope is D + antelope

But the shortened version, Dante, is pronounced exactly as you wish -- like Dante's Peak.

I revel in the confusion I cause.
 
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